So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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