I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
