when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
