It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
