Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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