just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
