I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
