I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
