And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
