Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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