How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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