Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
