Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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