NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Still dying that you shit outside
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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