i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
