Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
