sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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