We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
