Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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