Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
