You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
