go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
