The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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