dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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