Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
