either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
