is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
