You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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