exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
