end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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