my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
