his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
