she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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