Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
