The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize