she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
