I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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