omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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