I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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