remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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