is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i think my cat just said my name.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
