did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
