I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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