he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize