On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
