I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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