I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
