all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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