I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
only if we run a train.
done.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
