my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
