i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
