my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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