note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
