I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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