Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i will never coherently bang her
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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