he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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