Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
