so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
