Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
