Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
