I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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